How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
