You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
