So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
