He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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