Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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