Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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