So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
