I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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