mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
