my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
