I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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