Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
