I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
