so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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