GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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