Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
