dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
