that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
