I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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