I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
