we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
