I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
