We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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