we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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