Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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