when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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