it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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