is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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