i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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