she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize