It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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