I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
