Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
