Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
