Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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