Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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