Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
