you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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