planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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