Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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