It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
