Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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