Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
