I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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