Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
