I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
