Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
