i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
