hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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