I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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