Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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