woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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