The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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