The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
