My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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