is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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