Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
