were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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