My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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