You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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