you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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