we have pet lesbian snakes
It's Friday. Sex?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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