I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
