you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
