I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
