Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
