One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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