I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
