two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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