wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
