I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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