Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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